When You Don’t Have Motivation, Try Commitment

There exists a period between inspiration and execution referred to and felt as motivation.

Motivation seems to be what gets us to tackle our goals, to resist resistance, and to succeed at something.

It is often stimulated by reading powerful stories, passionate quotes, or seeing beautiful images. It is propelling, and encouraging, and it is felt.

So, what do you do if you do not feel it?

I think many of us go through seasons of feeling motivated to eat healthy and to be active, and then through seasons where we don’t.  I certainly do.

Often, seasons of motivation are coupled by optimism, and hope, while seasons without motivation may be anxious, negative, or filled with resent.

Or, perhaps most frightening, coupled by feelings of nothing at all.

What motivates you to take care of your body?

Is it feeling well?  Having energy?  Looking pretty?  Maintaining your weight?  Do you ever go through seasons where you don’t care about these things?  If so, what keeps you committed to the cause?

Last year I made a decision to take a brisk walk outside everyday.  It wasn’t an idea that took much meditation.  In fact, it was a very simple decision that has not seemed to have much impact on my schedule or general sense of well-being.

I take a brisk walk, outside, everyday.  That’s it.

Rain or shine, convenient or not, I just do it.

I enjoy being outside, and I like going for walks, but I guesstimate that I have not felt like going for about 75% of my walks.  It has been 10.5 months since I started walking everyday, which means I haven’t felt like taking 220 out of 294 total walks.   Some of the remaining 74 walks have been anticipated, but mostly, they have just been taken because of the commitment I made to just take a daily walk.

What has been interesting to note during this period is that motivation has seemed to have very little to do with my decision to walk, and commitment has had everything to do with it.

It’s the whole, “just do it”, idea, which sometimes feels empty and uninspired, but in the end, it actually facilitates just doing it.

Walking everyday has been a relatively easy experiment  to prove that the feelings of motivation are not required to succeed at a goal.  Had I waited to feel motivated to walk, I would have probably skipped 220 walks so far.  Maybe more.

But, of course, I want to feel motivated to do the things I do, and I want to experience the reward to succeeding at my goals.  Using the experience of walking everyday, no matter what, is opening my mind up, and enlightening me to committing to other decisions, even when I do not feel like it.

Because this seems to be the gap in between motivation and motivation.

What might you achieve by deciding to commit to the desires you keep thinking about?

Image from Pulptastic.

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Self Acceptance Is Your Choice Today

A common misconception about accepting yourself is that if you do, you will become lazy and never achieve any of your goals.

This isn’t true.

I read about accepting myself, exactly as I was and where I was at in life, a few years ago.  The idea seemed simple, but it was very threatening.

It seemed simple because all self acceptance required was a decision to stop rejecting myself. It didn’t necessitate anything outside of myself such as a job promotion, approval from others, an improved marriage, or reputation, or a better house, or car, or bigger bank account, or fill in the blank.

It didn’t require working up to anything before it could be practiced, except the decision to practice it.

Because of this, it was also very threatening.

If self acceptance didn’t have anything to do with outside affirmation and influences, and only had to do with my decision to practice it, then it was entirely my own choice to be comfortable and happy with who I was.

And I wasn’t comfortable or happy with who I was.

So, I didn’t accept myself.

Sometimes it seems easier, or even appropriate, to decide to hold off accepting yourself until “x”, “y”, or “z” happens.

Examples as they relate to diet and fitness:

  • Losing the last 5 pounds (or 10, or 15, or 20).
  • Getting a flatter stomach (or more toned arms, or thinner thighs).
  • Fitting into your ideal size jeans.
  • Eating what you think is the perfect diet (and never blowing it).

All of these goals are fine to have (though not always worthwhile), but when they necessitate your own self acceptance, your comfort and happiness relies on their presence, and typically remains in the past or in the future.  You might remember a few years ago as a happier time because you were thinner, or you might wait to be happy next month, when you finally (you hope), lose weight.

But what about right now?

What about being comfortable and happy with who you are today?

The belief is that achieving your goals will make you happy.  That they will erase, or at least soothe, life’s difficulties, that things will make more sense, that you will finally be comfortable with who you are and where you’re at.

And that others will be comfortable and happy with who you are and where you’re at.

But this is only an illusion.

The reality is that you will continuously be growing and evolving with the seasons of life.  You will experience hardship, and loss, and pain, and devastation, but you will be relieved by grace, and mercy, and kindness, friendship, love, and laughter.  And hope.

Your body will change.  Your face will change.  Your hair will change.  For the better, and for the worse.

You will get promotions, and offers, and approvals, and rejections.

You’ll make friends, and then take different paths.

You will meet a lover and grow together, and you might lose them, and you might never.

And you can choose to accept yourself the entire time.

You can choose to be comfortable and happy about who you are and where you are at.  You can certainly try to improve yourself and situations, but the process can be enjoyed and expressed lovingly, like you would to someone you cared about, simply because it’s better than negativity, judgment, anxiety, and worry.

Because it’s better than letting anything outside of yourself determine your success.  Because it’s better to be happy right now, than to wait until tomorrow or reserve it for the past.

Because accepting yourself breaks down the walls that you’ve built all around you, so that you can finally be liberated to go out and do what you need to do in this life without the burden of hating yourself or feeling stuck.

The truth is, accepting yourself will not turn you into a lazy and unlikeable slob.  It will relieve you, allow you to get over what is keeping you from moving forward, and free you to enjoy the short time you have to breath and love and wonder.

If you’re in the habit of waiting for something or someone to liberate your self rejection, why not try choosing to do it yourself?

Why not choose to accept yourself, and see how it goes?

Why not see if you can enjoy who you are and where you’re at today?

And then try it tomorrow, and the next day, and then the next.

Keep goals, and keep learning, and keep exploring, because it keeps things interesting, and challenging, and rewarding, but keep it in mind that those things are only life’s varieties, and that you are exactly where you need to be right now to choose self acceptance.

Image from Paris Hotel Boutique.

Eating Enough to Reduce Urges to Binge, Part 5

This is Part 5 of the Series: Eating Enough to Reduce Urges to Binge.

You can read the previous posts to this series by clicking on the link above.

Part 1 presented the idea that binge urges follow periods of dieting (under-eating).  Part 2 listed physical and mental signs of under-eating.  Part 3 gave samples of what under-eating might look like and Part 4 offered suggestions for eating more (eating enough) to reduce urges to binge.

In this final post for this series, Part 5, I will write about urges to binge after you are eating enough.  I wrote about this in the previous Series: Binge Eating is Caused by Dieting, Part 4.

Take a moment to read that post as it supports what is being written now.

For those people who have stopped dieting, are eating enough, and are still experiencing urges to binge, it is worth exploring something that will be very annoying for only a little while:

Urges to binge may have become a normal signal your brain sends to you in multiple situations that have nothing to do with needing to eat more.

It may be a habitual urge your body experiences.

Here is why:

Your first binge is truly an act of physical survival.  Your body is starved from under-eating, so your brains sends you overwhelming urges to eat.

You respond by eating as if it has been weeks since you have had a bite of anything.  It can feel frantic, rushed, right, and wrong all at once.  You can feel relieved and regretful at the same time, proving binge eating to be a very complex behavior.

After your first binge, you return to your usual senses, and likely to a period of under-eating to compensate for eating so much.

This perpetuates the cycle of binge eating, and it is all it takes to turn one act of binge eating into a habit.

Binge eating is a habit.

The next time you binge, it might be for the very same reason as the first time–under-eating. And the next time might be the same as well.

But now the brain is establishing connections between you and your environment when you binge eat.  Now it is not only about actually needing food, but also about whatever is happening in your life when you binge.

This could be, but is not limited to:

  • A time of the day.
  • A day of the week.
  • When you are alone and able to binge.
  • When you have eaten a particular food and then binged.
  • Before an activity.
  • After an activity.
  • Near a holiday.
  • When you visit specific people.
  • At a specific restaurant or cafe.
  • At a social event.
  • After a period of stress.
  • During a celebration.

It also connects binge eating with how you feel emotionally when you binge, and this could be:

  • Sad
  • Scared
  • Lonely
  • Frustrated
  • Anxious
  • Depressed
  • Happy
  • Relaxed
  • Nervous
  • Tired
  • Wired
  • Stressed
  • Confused
  • Indecisive
  • Rebellious
  • Hungry
  • Full
  • HIlarious

Do you see that signals to binge eat can be sent in any context once its habit is established?

You could be stressed for an exam or happy about an upcoming party and feel an urge to binge simply because your brain tied the two situations together from a past experience.

At this point it might seem like a lost cause to try to stop your habit, because it interferes with so much of your life, but don’t lose hope. You can change any habit at any time, no matter how long it has been taking place!

I hesitated to list all of the times and feelings you will encounter that may have a memory of bingeing tied to it because it is basically all of them, if you have been bingeing for a long time (or even a short time).  I wanted to list them to show how varied they are and how they really have nothing to do with the urge to binge.

Because urges have become a habitual signal you feel, your brain will continue to send signals to do something you no longer need (and haven’t since you resumed eating enough) when you encounter a time or feeling you had when you were dieting and bingeing until you stop obeying them.

This is why it will be very frustrating when you decide to stop binge eating.

Eating more throughout the day will certainly help to reduce urges to binge, but if you have a history of binge eating, like I did for 10 years, you are going to have to do more than just change your diet to include more nutrient dense food.

You are going to have to decide to not give any credit or additional thought to the urge to binge.

This is so important for stopping binge eating.

When you experience the urge to binge and you are not physically hungry, do nothing about it.

Don’t try to figure out why you have the urge.  Don’t feel badly about it.  Don’t try to manipulate the urge to mean something more than what it does.  It is just a habitual urge you feel.  Don’t assume it means anything.

The minute you start to engage with the urge is when it starts to influence you to act on it.

It does this by using your own language to convince you that you really need to binge.

You might say to yourself, “Just one bite won’t hurt“, or “I have been so good all week, so I deserve to have this“, or “I need a little fun in my life“, knowing that you don’t really want one bite (you want them all), and you’re not a dog who deserves treats, and if you wanted to have fun, you could go fly a kite.

Have you ever said these things to yourself before a binge?  I have.  They are pretty silly, but very common to think (or even say aloud) in response to an urge to binge.

If you start to engage in this thinking, you will likely binge–unless you put a stop to engaging with the urge right away.

When you hear yourself thinking about giving into an urge to binge, decide to recognize what is happening, accept it as something you will not do, then move on with your life.

This is not white-knuckling it or using willpower to not notice your urge to binge.

This is just not giving the urge your attention or respect.

It’s a meaningless feeling and it doesn’t deserve any more of your time.

Try it once.

Prove to yourself that you can do it.

Celebrate each time you do.

Then do it again.  And again.  And again.

It gets easier, and urges start to lose their intensity.  The come, they go, they are forgotten.

Will you try this?

It will be very difficult at first.

But only at first.  Just like any new habit, it becomes second nature soon, and it becomes simply what you do.

If you have been eating enough food for your body and you are experiencing urges to binge without being physically hungry, it may just be a habitual signal your brain is sending you, but it doesn’t mean anything, and it doesn’t have to be obeyed.

Begin to replace the memories you have bingeing with healthy and positive memories.

They add up quickly.

Will you try this?

It might change your life forever.

Leave a comment if you try this, there are so many people who can benefit from your courage!

This wraps up the Series: Eating Enough to Reduce Urges to Binge.  I hope it has been a practical source of information, and I hope you feel ready and inspired to stop dieting and stop binge eating.

You can do this!

Image from Etsy.

Eating Enough to Reduce Urges to Binge, Part 4

This is Part 4 of the Series: Eating Enough to Reduce Urges to Binge.

You can read what has been posted so far by clicking on the link above.

In Part 1, I wrote about how under-eating can lead to urges to binge.  Part 2 went over the physical and mental signs of under-eating, and Part 3 gave examples of what under-eating might look like for the average person who wants to eat healthy, but very well might be under-eating and experiencing urges to binge.

Part 4 will offer suggestions on increasing your eating to reduce the urge to binge.

It seems crazy to suggest increasing how much you eat when we are bombarded with the message to eat less.  Eating less has its place, and is an effective way to lose unwanted weight, but eating less is not usually the most effective approach for those who are caught up in the habit of binge eating.  Eating less is usually what triggers the actual urges to binge, increasing the likelihood of binge eating.

It is worth considering removing the period of dieting (under-eating) that leads up to urges to binge as a means to experience less binge urges.

This is a practical approach, but may be very intimidating or even scary to the person who is used to under-eating and bingeing.

I suggest exploring this approach as quickly or slowly as it appeals to you.  The reason for this is that our actions tend to follow our thoughts (beliefs) and if you do not believe that eating more will reduce your urges to binge, you likely will not enjoy the process of eating enough and you might not stick with it.

This does not mean that eating more is not an effective approach to reducing binge urges because it certainly is!

It only means that eating enough will be frustrating and uncomfortable for you if you do not believe that it is a plausible practice.

Bingeing is a physical act that requires physical action to end, but all physical actions begin as a thought, often subconsciously and emotionally.  Putting the effort into ending binge eating requires both a physical and emotional change in approach, so go easy on yourself as you explore the two, and get comfortable with your own growth, no matter what its speed.

Some benefits of eating more throughout the day besides experiencing less urges to binge are:

  • Feeling more satisfied after meals.
  • Feeling more satisfied after snacks (if you need them at all).
  • Experiencing less anxiety around food.
  • Experiencing freedom to think about more than just food and eating.
  • Reduced discomfort from dieting.
  • Increased concentration.
  • Increased focus.
  • Increased sexual desires.
  • Improved moods.
  • Improved digestion (assuming you are bingeing less or not at all).
  • Increased ability to eat along the usual meal schedules of those around you (this is more of a convenience).
  • Bingeing less (and not at all).
  • Less regret, guilt, and shame attributed to bingeing.
  • Weight loss (if it was needed).
  • More stable hormones.
  • Freedom to enjoy your life without the burden of binge eating.

So, on that positive note, here are some ways that you can increase your eating which will reduce your urges to binge:

  • Increase the portion sizes of your meals.  If you have two eggs for breakfast, try adding an extra egg (or two).
  • Add new foods to your meals.  If you have eggs for breakfast, try adding some avocado or some spinach, or some olives, or fresh fruit.  If you have yogurt, try adding some macadamia nuts.
  • Add healthy fats to your meals.  Fats will keep you fuller longer and definitely add to your satiety levels.  You can experiment with olive oil, coconut oil, nuts, seeds, avocado, olives, butter, ghee or even lard (best from organic sources).  No need to worry about the extra calories from a serving of fat–extra calories are the whole idea in this experiment!
  • Increase the amount of protein you eat at each meal.
  • Add some satisfying carbohydrates to your meals.  Carb have gotten a bad wrap over the last twenty or so years, but provided you do not base your entire diet on them, they can be a very beneficial addition to your diet (especially if you exercise or are a female with hormonal imbalances).  Try sweet potatoes, white potatoes, yucca, carrots, beets, white rice, bananas, or plantains.  I generally advise sticking with vegetables and fruits as your carb choices simply because gram for gram, they are more nutritious than grains and legumes (but do not feel that you cannot have grains or legumes!).

These are only a few ideas for increasing your food intake so that you are eating enough and experiencing less urges to binge.

You do not have to follow this advice, as it is always your choice how to go about this, but you will probably find it relatively easy to increase your food intake with healthy, whole foods, and you will probably find them delicious.  Your meals will become more palatable, and you will feel satisfied, calm, and able to go on with the rest of your life as they are digesting and providing you energy.

I caution against adding processed foods and foods high in sugar to your diet as you increase your food intake.  The reason for this is that these foods are known to not satisfy, not leave you feeling calm or clear, and do not offer benefits to your digestion, skin, joints, and mental well-being.  For someone who has dieted and binged, healing what has been damaged will do wonders not only for the obvious physical reasons, but for your mental health.

Know that you may choose less than healthy foods to increase your intake and it will have no impact on your morality–only your physical and mental health.  You can still stop urges to binge with less than healthy foods, but it might be more difficult.  This is for you to determine.

Mathematically, implementing a few of the ideas above each day can increase your calories by as little as 100 or several hundred.  If this frightens you, remember that if you are dieting and bingeing, you are eating very little followed by periods of eating amounts that are far too much for anyone.  Eating increased portions throughout the day, and not bingeing, always ends up being less food over the long-term, than dieting and bingeing.

Remember that trying to maintain a diet of 1,600 calories or less is likely what got you into the cycle of dieting and bingeing.  Do not feel guilty about increasing your daily calories.  Most people do best on at least 2,000 calories a day.  If this sounds crazy, think about how crazy dieting and bingeing has felt.

It is worth trying something new.

Experiment with this if you are currently dieting and bingeing.  You might come to enjoy this way of eating and you will certainly enjoy less urges to binge.

In Part 5, I will write about bingeing even after you are eating enough.  Bingeing begins as a way for your body to receive enough nutrients after a period of starvation, but often becomes habitual.  The good news is that habits can be changed so read on as we continue the Series: Eating Enough to Reduce Urges to Binge.

For now, leave a comment if you have tried any of these ideas and let us know how they have helped to reduce your urges to binge.

Image from Tumblr.

Binge Eating is Caused by Dieting, BONUS

This is a bonus post to the Series: Binge Eating is Caused by Dieting.

You can read Parts 1-5 by clicking on the link above.

In this post, I wanted to give some additional tips and reinforcement that can help you stop binge eating:

  • Remember that you are not alone.  Many people struggle with binge eating.  It’s nature is isolating and you might think you are out of your mind for doing it, or the only one doing it, but you aren’t.
  • Binge eating is a natural response to extreme dieting (under-eating).  It is the body’s way to make sure you do not starve.
  • Binge eating is a habit that can be changed.
  • One way to reduce urges to binge is by eating enough throughout the day.
  • Your “enough” will be different from the next person and will vary according to how active you are, how quick your metabolism is, and on your basic genetic needs for food.
  • Experiment with finding your “enough”.
  • You won’t be perfect at this.  Some days you will eat too much, other days too little, other days it will seem just right.
  • Perfection is not the goal.
  • Rather, nourishing your body with foods that make you feel great and keep you satisfied is.
  • You can eat any foods you want to stop bingeing.
  • Many people say that eating foods found in nature, such as vegetables, fruits, animal proteins, nuts, seeds, eggs, and whole fats are good choices when reducing urges to binge.
  • But you do not need to eat what anyone else says, nor do you need to follow a specific diet.
  • Eat the foods that leave you feeling your best.
  • Experiment with this.
  • Pay attention to how food effects your body, your mind, and your mood.
  • Pay attention to how food minimizes or maximizes your urges to binge.
  • Use food as your ally, whenever you can, but know that no matter what you eat, you get to decide if you will binge or not.
  • When you return to eating enough, and eating foods that make you feel great, you still might have urges to binge.
  • This is only your brain sending signals that it has been conditioned to send.
  • These urges do not mean anything.  They do not define who you are, they don’t have any significance, and they do not need to be obeyed.
  • Notice when you have an urge to binge, accept it as a part of ending binge eating, remind yourself that they are not that big of a deal, and celebrate that you are not binge eating anymore.
  • You can include others on this journey if you want.
  • You can attend therapy or groups that help you change your approach to food, or have an accountability partner.
  • But these are all optional.
  • Enjoy the friendships you make in these settings, but remember you still have to be responsible for your life, and for your eating.
  • Events may have occurred in the past or may be occurring right now that you do not prefer, and this is unfortunate, but they are not reasons to sabotage yourself with food.
  • Fix the situations that you can, and try to let go of the ones that are outside of your influence.
  • This is really hard.
  • But you can do it.
  • If you do binge eat, don’t beat yourself up.
  • It’s just a part of stopping for many people.  It doesn’t mean you are hopeless, it doesn’t mean you are dumb.
  • Learn from your experiences.
  • The past is over.  Look ahead.
  • Be kind to yourself, grow in compassion and empathy, and get right back on target with choosing to eat enough, choosing to resist binge urges, and choosing to keep at it.
  • Over time, urges to binge fade and lose their frustrating and distracting presence.
  • Over time, your efforts to replace the negative and untrue thoughts that led to binge eating with positive and true thoughts will pay off.
  • It gets easier.  It gets simpler.
  • Stopping binge eating is not the end all in life, and will not be your greatest joy.
  • It won’t solve all of your problems, or remove the stress in life that we all have from time to time.
  • But it will make eating easier.
  • It will relieve anxiety, and stress around food, and improve your health, your mind, and your mood.
  • And it’s worth it.
  • You are worth it.

This concluded the Series: Binge Eating is Caused by Dieting.

I hope it has helped shed light on how binge eating starts, how it is maintained, and how it is stopped.

Implementing these tactics has helped me tremendously, and I share them because I think they can help you, too.

I used to think I was the craziest person for binge eating.  I would diet, and binge, and diet, and binge.

It was a time in my life that I cannot undo, so I have chosen to take everything I have learned from it and turn it into something positive to share.

If you ever feel like you are stuck in the cycle of binge eating, you aren’t.

You can stop today.  You can take care of your body, and you can be glad you didn’t give up.

Never give up.

 

 

Image from Comically Vintage.

Binge Eating is Caused by Dieting, Part 5

This is Part 5 of the Series: Binge Eating is Caused by Dieting.

You can catch up by reading Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, and Part 4 by clicking on their links.

In Part 5, we will explore approaches and practices that will help make resisting urges to binge easier.

We have already discussed that dieting (extreme under-eating) causes your brain to send signals to binge eat, that binge eating, due to its many emotional and physical consequences, is usually followed by a period of compensation (as if to undo the damage of eating so recklessly), and that resuming the original extreme diet serves to repeat the cycle of restriction, binge, and compensation.

We’ve gone over how eating more throughout the day will help lesson urges to binge, thus, reducing binge eating, and reducing periods of compensation.

And we have gone over how noticing and accepting urges to binge after you return to healthier eating habits will help to alleviate the frustration you may feel for still experiencing urges to binge.

Today I wanted to talk more about a very helpful part of accepting urges to binge:

This is to remind yourself that the feeling to binge is just a feeling.  It is only a signal that your brain is used to sending.  It doesn’t mean anything more than that.  It feels uncomfortable, and it is distracting, but it will pass, and it doesn’t deserve any more attention or effort or public announcement than it takes to notice and accept it.

Choose to not act on a meaningless thought.

Then, be glad that you did not binge!

This part of stopping binge eating is often neglected, but it is a critical part of accepting urges to binge after you are eating enough and have decided to form new habits.

It may sound strange to remind yourself of these things, but if you have been binge eating for any length of time, it’s likely you have forgotten that not all thoughts must be acted upon.

We have many thoughts throughout the day.  Most of them are habitual and serve to keep us on schedule.  We think, “I will brush my teeth” after waking up, or “I’m leaving to go to work now“, or “I will do a load of laundry today“.  These thoughts are quick and keep us on schedule, and we tend to not second guess them.  If we did, we might not get very much done in any given day.

Other thoughts require much more research and attention, and we are lucky if we have the information and freedom to make our own choices regarding them (Where to go to college?  Who to marry?  What to do with my life?).

And then there are thoughts that seem to trip us up.  They feel more like desires or urges and they can be confusing to experience.

These are the thoughts that we have, but don’t want to have, and they become greater in intensity every time they are entertained and acted upon.

For the sake of this blog post, we won’t get into all of those thoughts.

The urge to binge, however, after you have ended extreme dieting, and returned to eating enough food, is indeed, one of those thoughts so let’s keep it as our example.

You think bingeing is what you want to do, but you also know it is what you don’t want to do.

It can feel very confusing, and be a stumbling block if you don’t know how to make sense of it.

When you have the urge to binge, notice it and accept it as an old way to think that didn’t serve you well.  That’s all it is (provided it is not a sign of true physical hunger).

You do not have to give this thought any more attention than this.  It is simply an old signal the brain is still sending, but it gets weaker and weaker every time you do not respond to it.  It fades.  It goes away.  It appears less.  But it takes a bit of effort to stop giving it so much attention.

Try this just once, the next time you have the urge to binge:

Notice it, accept it as an old way to think, remind yourself you don’t binge eat anymore, and let it pass.  You do this already, with lots of thoughts.  Try it with binge eating.

And then be glad that you did not binge!

Positive reinforcement helps most people (and animals) continue on their path to better behavior.  If it feels silly to give yourself positive reinforcement, you don’t have to, but there is nothing wrong with it and you might enjoy it.

I hope this is helpful.  If you are struggling with binge eating, there is always a way out.  There is always a way to stop.  And it is always within you to stop.  You don’t have to rely on external accountability or make a big deal out of stopping.  You do not need expensive therapy, or years of self-exploration.  You don’t need to right all of the wrongs from your past, or change anyone’s behavior, or do anything that is not only about stopping the action of obeying urges to binge.  Some of these things may help to lesson the urge to binge, or may be beneficial to your intellectual and emotional growth, but they are not mandatory actions to stop binge eating.

You only have to choose to stop, accept that is will be a bit weird for awhile, remind yourself that you have stopped, and then be happy about it.

It’s a simple process and it gets easier and easier the more you do it.

And if you do choose to binge, the next time you have the urge, accept your fallibility, dust yourself off, and get right back to living your life with kindness and patience.  Fail fast, don’t look back.  Eat enough, replace old thinking with new, and try, try, again.

You are still lovable and there is still so much life to live.

Never give up.  Always press on.

Does this seem like a doable approach to end binge eating?  Is it something you think you will try the next time you have the urge to binge?

Leave a comment if you like!

 

 

Image from Rebloggy.

Binge Eating is Caused by Dieting, Part 4

This is Part 4 of the Series: Binge Eating is Caused by Dieting.

If you haven’t already, read Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3.

In Part 4, we will talk about experiencing binge urges after you have resumed eating enough.

We have already discussed that extreme dieting (under-eating) sends signals to your brain to binge eat, that binge eating becomes a habit, and that eating more throughout the day (ending under-eating) can dramatically lesson urges to binge, thus, lessoning binges, periods of compensation, and the likelihood of future urges.

Eating enough for your body is an adjustment period.  It takes trial and error to determine if you have had enough food if you have been in the habit of under-eating.  Often it will feel like you are overeating when you begin to eat enough.  Your body may need some time to adjust to eating enough so be very kind to yourself during this period.  Accept the transition as one that will help you stop binge eating.

This approach should help to encourage you!

The tricky part of binge urges is that while they begin as a survival mechanism your brain uses to keep you from starving, once activated, they become an automatic desire (urge) that is strengthened each time you obey it (each time you binge).

So, every binge increases the likelihood that you will binge again.

This may seem like unfortunate news, but it doesn’t have to be!

Instead, this news can serve you well.  Here is how:

When you feel the urge to binge you have two choices.  Obey it or dismiss it.  Since you already know that you do not want to obey it, you have to choose to dismiss it.

Part 3 of this series advocates eating more food throughout the day to lesson binge urges.  Feeling full and satisfied by your meals definitely reduces the urge to binge, but because of the many emotional layers that are intertwined with the physical action of binge eating, you might find yourself still experiencing urges to binge after you resume a healthy diet.

There are a few things you can do to dismiss the urge to binge that do not take much time and do not require a big fuss:

Ask yourself if you are physically hungry.  Physical hunger is located below the neck.  It’s a sensation in your stomach.  It’s a natural and non-threatening feeling that serves to keep you nourished and energetic throughout the day.

If your answer is that you are physically hungry–eat!

This is a simple solution that does not need alot of time, therapy, or work.  It only requires some food (or patience for you to get some food.  You may have to hold out until eating food is an option).

If you are not physically hungry, simply notice the urge to eat more (to binge eat).

When you notice the urge to binge, you are aware that your brain is sending signals to binge even though you are not physically hungry.

This can feel frustrating so the next thing to do is to accept the urge to binge.

Accept it?  But that sounds like giving up!  Like surrender!

It isn’t.  Not even close.  Accepting an urge is the kindest thing you can do for yourself in this situation.  Notice it.  Feel it (as uncomfortable as it is).  Accept it.  It is not you.  It is a signal your brain has been habituated to send.  Accept it.

How can you accept it?

Many ways.  You can silently (or even aloud) tell yourself that even though you feel the urge to binge eat right now, you are choosing to focus on whatever other task is in front of you in this moment.

You can breath deeply and imagine the urge being lessoned and becoming further and further away with every exhale.

You can remind yourself that your are being strengthened to stop binge eating in this very moment that you choose to not binge eat.  This is a rational and positive approach, but not necessary to stop binge eating.

None of these approaches require anything outside of yourself.  You do not need any special tools.  You do not need to go anywhere, or call anyone, or make any public announcements about your urge.

Just choose to not binge, accept the temporary discomfort of not giving into a meaningless urge, and if you wish, remind yourself that you are getting better at stopping the binge eating habit.

Then witness what happens next:

It passes.

It goes away.  It loses it’s distracting presence.  It fades.  It isn’t something you want anymore.

This approach has been incredibly helpful for me.  After I resumed eating enough for my body, my binge urges lessoned dramatically, but I would still experience them from time to time. Sometimes it was because I really needed to eat more food, but sometimes it was totally random.  In those moments, I had to choose how to move forward.

Modern therapy might encourage you to have a list of things to do for when an urge presents itself.  You might be told to journal, or call a friend, or take a walk, or paint your nails, or go for a drive.  These are all pleasant ideas, but not always an option if you have responsibilities other than breaking your habit to binge.

It is not always an option to go for a walk.  What if you are at work?  You cannot always call a friend.  What if they are out of the country?  And the worse (in my opinion) is painting your nails. Who wants to paint their nails when they are feeling an urge to binge?  I could never get behind that idea.

In my experience, I found that I didn’t even want to do any of those things when I had the urge to binge.  All I wanted to do was binge.  Going for a walk or getting involved in anything else besides eating was not my concern at all.

After I chose to stop binge eating, I wanted an approach to use anytime and anywhere, and I didn’t want to make it such a big deal that I was resisting an urge.  I didn’t want to pay any more attention to it than it was worth.

Accepting my binge urges helped me do this and I think it is worth trying if you find yourself experiencing urges to binge after you are eating enough.

It may feel funny at first, but all new things do.

It is worth trying because it might change your life for the better.

Next we will explore ways that make it easier to accept binge urges.

So, what do you think about choosing to accept the urge to binge?  Have you tried this already Did your urge lesson?  If it persisted, was it because you really needed to eat more food?  What finally led your urge to pass?

Please share your experiences by leaving a comment!

 

 

Image from Tumblr.

Binge Eating is Caused by Dieting, Part 3

This is Part 3 of the Series: Binge Eating is Caused by Dieting.

If you haven’t already, read Part 1 and Part 2.

In Part 3, we will talk about eating enough food to lesson frantic urges to binge eat.

It is my opinion that binge eating is caused by dieting–extreme food restriction and that if you did not have the urge to binge eat, you never would.

Binge eating is an action and requires obeying signals from the brain to uncontrollably eat large amounts of food, usually in a short span of time, usually on the foods you have restricted (but not always), and usually alone.  It is often followed by feelings of regret, shame, and guilt, and a period of compensation (voluntary vomiting, over-exericisng, laxative use, or fasting) known as purging.

Binge eating’s nature is cyclical and it quickly becomes a habit.

Here is the cycle of binge eating:

Extreme dieting (food restriction/not eating enough), urges to binge, binge eating, compensation (purging), repeat.

Note that binge urges follow the act of not eating enough.  It is my opinion that by eating enough, binge urges will be dramatically lessoned.  If you continue to eat enough and lesson your urges to binge, you will binge less.  If you binge less, you will compensate less, and if you compensate less, you will be more likely to sustain eating enough.

So, what is enough?

This is difficult to determine on this blog post because everyone’s “enough” will look different, depending on their weight, height, activity level, genetic coding, and metabolism.  It is generally accepted that a six and a half foot and very active man needs to eat more than a five foot two and fairly active woman, but it is less accepted that the five foot two woman needs quite a bit more than she is eating now (provided she is a dieter).

Your most basic metabolic needs (your resting metabolism–energy needed to be in bed all day) is about ten times your body weight.  If you weigh 130 pounds, you need 1300 calories simply to stay alive.

Just to stay alive!  Forget about anything else.  Getting up to make coffee, catching the train, sitting at your desk to work, and definitely forget about any fitness routine.

Dieters are recommended to eat a very low number of calories each day, generally between 1200-1600.  I’ve seen these numbers published in magazines, on websites, and in books.  These numbers are dangerously low to sustain over time.  They are almost always not enough for anyone and will cause the brain to signal urges to binge because it believes (rightfully) that it is starving.

When I dieted (under-ate), I believed that I should be full and satisfied on about 1500 calories a day while maintaining an intense fitness routine.  I could manage to eat so little for a short amount of time (a week, maybe two), but then I would experience intense and distracting urges to eat everything in sight.  It felt strange, because I was health conscious and desired to eat nutritious foods, but when the urges to eat came, it was as if all my education and goals went out the window.  I would binge eat until I couldn’t eat anymore, regain my senses, and vow to get back on track with my low calorie diet.

And by now you probably know how that went.

I tried sustaining a low calorie diet for many years and found it frightening to imagine eating more to lesson my urges to binge.  I thought I would become a glutton, gain too much weight, or live a very sloppy life.

This is irrational because when you calculate all of the calories consumed during my binges for the week and added them to my low calorie days, my calories were always more than if I just ate enough food without dieting and bingeing.

Let’s say I tried to eat 1500 calories a day all week.  By day seven, I eat my normal 1500 calories but then binge on 3000 calories.  If I were to add my calories for the week, they would average to 1930 calories a day.

That may not sound so bad, but let’s say I binged twice in the same week.  Now my calories averaged at 2360 a day.

It was my experience that the more I dieted, restricted, and binged, the more I did it.  It was habit, and it escalated in intensity and frequency so that my binge days increased over each year and completely undid all of my very low calorie days.

If I were to simply eat more each day, let’s say 2000 calories (still debatably low), I would not only feel much fuller on any given day, but I would end up eating less than I did when dieting and bingeing.

This advice might sound far from everything you have read about losing and maintain weight, and it is, but we are slowly inching closer and closer to changing our beliefs about calories in and calories out and as we do, all of the old numbers we have been a slave to will lose their credibility.

Of course the only way to know for sure if eating more will lesson binge urges is to try it for yourself.  I’m not a fan of absolutistic thinking, so you won’t hear me saying that eating more is the only way to stop binge eating, but I will say it’s a very effective way to lesson binge urges, and the likelihood that you continue to binge eat.

You have probably heard that the definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over expecting a different result.

That was my approach with dieting, restricting, and binge eating.  I felt like a crazy person as I tried to fix the same problem by doing the same thing that was not working.

Eating more (enough for you) and not bingeing is possible and it will reduce stress that you may feel around food.  As you binge less (and not at all), your health will improve.  Your body will feel better and your mind will be free from all the focus and energy that bingeing requires.

Why not take a look at how much you are eating over the course of a week or two and observe if you are experiencing urges to binge.  If you are, try adding more nutritious foods to your meals. There is no need to count calories or be obsessive about it if you don’t want to.  Accept that you won’t do this perfectly.  Some days you will eat enough, some days less, some days more.  Start small, if you like, until you are comfortable with larger meals.  Choose foods that will nourish your body, eat in a way that is kind to yourself, and then note the intensity and frequency of your binge urges.

You have nothing to lose–except that which you already don’t want!

The next part of this series will explore resisting urges to binge after you are eating enough.

What do you think about eating more throughout the day to lesson binge urges?  Have you tried this approach?

Share your experiences by leaving a comment!

 

Image from Qomics.

Weekend Approach

It’s the weekend!

I live in Los Angeles and there is always so much to do, on any day, but especially weekends.

Movies in the park, museums, beaches, coffee shops, restaurants, concerts, conventions, flea markets–too much to even mention it all!

L.A. is fun and full of a lazy, sunny energy that I’ve grown quite accustomed to.  It’s not unusual to spend a Saturday “hiking”, as we call it, through Griffith Park, or riding bikes down 4th Street at sunset.

Sometimes weekends are spent picking through vintage treasures at the Pasadena Flea Market (although I personally find the best deals at Goodwill and Craigslist), or watching a Marilyn Monroe film at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery (it’s not spooky, I promise!).

Weekends are fun.  Sometimes they involve tasks that aren’t all that exciting, but in general they are days to relax, be outside, be with friends and family, and to create memories.

When I was caught up in the obsession of dieting and bingeing, my approach to the weekends wasn’t nearly as romantic (or boring, if you are the type of person who skydives or trains lions).

I didn’t dislike weekends, but I did find myself more focused on how I would maintain perfectly healthy eating or how I would maintain and hide my binge eating.  When I was dieting, I was constantly threatened by events and people that might prevent me from eating, what I deemed, healthy foods.  When I was bingeing, I wasn’t focused on much of anything besides eating as many “off-limit” foods as possible, and then recovering from feeling sick, tired, moody, and depressed.

It was difficult, nearly impossible, to approach life with curiosity, compassion, and creativity in those days.

I look back on all the time I spent being obsessed with food, either not eating it or eating too much of it, and it makes me sad that I habitually chose to place so much emphasis on what I was eating as a means to provide my happiness.  It was narrow-mided and I often felt anxious, worried, and lonely for it.

I don’t think it’s wrong to spend time ensuring you can eat healthy during the weekends.  I think it should definitely be a part of how you plan meals and outings.  Eating healthy makes you feel your best, and gives you energy, and can contribute to a sane and creative mind.  Eating healthy makes things like taking a long hike (or, rather, a rocky walk) or a bike ride much more pleasurable than if you did not eat healthy.  It makes life easier and better.

But the obsession with eating, whether it is rooted in perfectionism, hedonism, or gluttony, can negatively effect your life.  It can take over it.

Of course, we all have the right to choose how we want to approach this.  You might resonate with my experiences and also seek to make your life about more than food, or you might resonate and disagree.

A challenge I have for myself is to approach the weekends (all days, for that matter) with an attitude that is ready to relax, ready to connect with people, ready to find beauty and inspiration in what I see and do, and ready to express love and creativity, and compassion to others and to myself.

It’s hard to get so wrapped up in perfect eating and self-sabotaging bingeing with these goals in mind.

It’s much easier to enjoy life, and much easier to enjoy the journey of healthy eating this way.

But this takes practice and time if you’re not used to it, so if you choose to makes these goals a part of your own life, show yourself patience and kindness when you seem to revert to old ways.    Keep at it.  Keep eating the kindest way you know how, keep choosing acceptance and love for yourself and others, and keep participating in the world around you.

Let me know–how do you approach the weekends?  Has your diet or the way you eat ever prevented you from relaxing and creating positive memories, either by yourself or with other people?

Special Note – If you are currently eating in extreme ways, such as strict dieting or binge eating, and it is something you wish you would stop but feel you can’t, email me!  Let’s chat more about it because I KNOW there is always a way out of these destructive habits.  myrightmindblog@gmail.com

 

Image from DustJacket.

 

PRACTICE: Absolutistic Thinking

Be wary of absolutistic thinking.

Absolutistic thinking is when you are convinced there is only one way to accomplish a goal, one way to believe and think about something, and ultimately, one way to live.  It is common and easy to cultivate if you are not careful.

Absolutistic thinking relies on words such as must, should, always, never or have to.

As it relates to eating and body image:

I must eat perfectly today.  I should never have dessert.  I have to lose weight before this event.  

You can spot this type of thinking not only with the preface words (must, should, always, etc.), but also by the irrational thoughts that follow them:

I must eat perfectly today so I can finally get some control in my life.  I should never have dessert because any taste of sugar will completely ruin me.  I have to lose weight before this event or I will never be able to enjoy it.

None of the reasons for the statements above are rooted in absolutely truth.  You may have told yourself them, and they might be what you currently believe, but they are narrow and demanding, and they likely promote stress because they are rooted in fear and negativity.  They keep your life very small and very fragile.

It would be dogmatic to say absolutistic thinking is always harmful.  It can be very helpful in the right context, but often, within the context of eating, it is overgeneralizing and removes personal responsibility from your own inner anxieties and exterior occurrences.

The next time you hear yourself thinking absolutistically about eating, try replacing the statements with truth.

In reference to our examples above:

I would prefer to eat specific foods today because I believe they will help me feel more in control.  I realize this is only a feeling.  Food is not magical and does not grant me supernatural self-control, and if I eat foods that I do not prefer, I will not “lose control”, whatever that means.  The foods I eat affect my health, but do not contribute to the order or chaos of the world.

Sugar is not always healthy for me, but it does not “ruin” me.  I am an adult.  I am always in control of my thoughts, feelings and behaviors.  If I do choose to eat sugar, I will also choose to live responsibly afterward.

If I am honest, I would prefer to lose weight before this event, but if I don’t, I can still have an enjoyable time.  My weight does not determine how happy I am or how pleasant events may be.  It actually has nothing to do with the event and I’m better off resuming sustainable weight loss and enjoying the people I see and the things we do.  Other people can think anything they want about my body without it affecting how I think about it.

What do you think about replacing absolutisitc thoughts with truth?  Is this something you already do?  Do you find it helpful?

Leave a comment to share your opinion!

 

Image from Polyvore.